I would like to congratulate the Blue Cab company of Oak Park for helping me to stay in shape AND save money. I could not have found the strength of will to be committed to exercise and saving car fare without your remarkably crappy service, rude telephone operators, horrid, lying dispatchers, and awful drivers. You give me motivation to buy a car and the threat of having to use your cabs keeps me driven to practice driving, even though other people's erratic behavior on the road terrifies me.
As a supporter of family owned businesses, I have used Blue Cab's service for nearly a year. Within that time, I've been subjected to the most unreliable, unpleasant, and ultimately unprofessional service I've ever experienced from a cab service in my life. I would like to heartily thank the Blue Cab company for living up to their two star rating on Yelp and giving me the opportunity to experience truly life changing events.
I would like to thank the drivers who texted or surfed the web on their phones whilst driving, tried to engage in inappropriate conversations with me about my personal life, or purposely overcharged and took unnecessary detours for a ten minute ride from the train station to my job. You taught me the value of not tipping for service.
I would like to thank the telephone operators who gave me false wait times and then acted as though I was unreasonable for inquiring about updates to the cab's arrival times. Your apathetic and sarcastic attitudes made me grateful for all the times I've had great customer service from other cab companies and for the strength of character that my parents instilled in me to always view the work that I do, not matter how bad things are, as a source of pride, rather than something unpleasant that makes me speak and behave in a manner that was off-putting to others.
My privileged experience of trying to file complaints about your drivers and the subsequent run around you gave me taught me that I should always have a backup plan and take any opportunity to avoid climbing into your cabs because no one truly cares if I'm paying money to be treated like dog crap except for me. This has broadened my worldview and solidified the idea that especially if I am paying for a service, I should only expect good treatment if the other party has a long history of treating others well. I should always formulate my ideas and views of people and companies based on their track record and 'giving people a chance' is really me giving them a chance to screw up like they always do.
I would also love to thank the dispatcher/supervisor (Isn't that a conflict of interest?) who called me after I reported my cab was a no-show and proceeded to berate me, claiming that I was unreasonable and rude for using a different option instead of waiting for someone who lied about showing up. I would also like to thank you for claiming I was "a damn liar" and how you "always give great customer service" and how you "absolutely did not hang up or yell" at me when I was trying to explain my situation to her after calling to report the no-show cab.
I loved having you talk down to me, be rude to me, and having the privelage of hearing you and your coworkers abetting each other in the background. It was a phenomenal experience to have you come to the conclusion that the best way to punish me for complaining, for expecting decent service, and expecting that a family owned business could be professional was to tell me, with no small amount of smugness in your voice that since I had a problem with the service, you'd just have the cabs stop picking me up. I hope your friendship with your coworkers is as deep and boundless as your levels of pettiness and I sincerely hope it lasts longer than your company will with all the wonderful, polite, and prompt cab service competition that's suddenly moving into the Oak Park area.
Thank you, ever so much Blue Cab. Best wishes
Sincerely, the Snarktopus
Showing posts with label Snark. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Snark. Show all posts
Friday, July 10, 2015
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
Mental Health: Understanding Your Melancholy Neighbors
I don't know what it is about today's era, but there either seems to be a lot more depressed people out there, they stay depressed for longer, or they are talking about it a lot more than I remember as a child. Part of me is glad that depression is on the tips of everyone's tongues because if something is being discussed, it's gaining visibility and if it's visible, more than likely, people will call for change. Change, with things like depression is good. It means we're willingly coming further in finding better treatments, establishing support networks and passing helpful ideas around in society.
As a person who's witnessed, studied, and experienced depression I understand that it is difficult to deal with, remedy and it can be horrible to watch- if you're not the sufferer. However, many people seem to view depression as some sort of bizarre condition that the person experiencing it chose, which is COMPLETELY off the mark. Simply put, that's like expecting a person has complete and perfect control over their surroundings and themselves. Any of you with half a brain know that even the most optimistic and upbeat of individuals can't do that. I mean, I'm sure that if depressed people could choose not to live their life in expert mode, they would have switched the settings long ago.
I've never quite understood why that image is assigned to depressed individuals. Depression is tied prehistoric fight or flight response. Impending danger signals our bodies to turn off many of its functions like: learning, sensory perceptions, and positive emotions that would encourage us to stay where we are... It, you know, shuts off everything that could get you killed while you're going "LADEEDA, LOOK AT THE TULIPS!!!" instead of avoiding the beak and claws of that huge terrorbird hot on your heels.
Stress, danger, fear. In the olden days, those things were tied to direct, explicit threats. Things that you could actually control. They boosted problem solving skills during the danger and rewarded you with a boost of endorphins when the danger had passed, increasing your ability to learn. It helped us to become smarter, avoid or prevent dangers. Those who were hyper vigilant, hyper aware of their surroundings and themselves, and were able to learn, analyze and survive passed that gene to their offspring. Prolonged exposure to stress triggered other physiological responses like a slowed metabolism, lethargy, and extreme cautiousness. In a hard winter, drought, or famine those would have been benefits. Your neighbor was up running about, starving to death, while you hunkered down in the dark and brooded about what to do next. You lived because you didn't burn all your calories. Then, it was a vital part of our species' continuity. Unfortunately, today, it's not.
We don't have huge murderous birds trying to gobble us up. We don't frequently find ourselves facing physical manifestations of danger that we can surmount with analytical skills and on the fly problem solving. We've whittled a lot of those things out of our equation. All we have now are arbitrary constructs that we can't escape from. What happens when you have a built-in predisposition to flee or conquer difficulties but the difficulties you're facing can't be actually conquered? That fight or flight response lingers...and wrecks your body.
That's the root of depression today. We have dangers and fears that we can do nothing about and we're stuck with the intelligence, analytical skills, and all the physical effects of prolonged fight or flight response. That's dangerous. In a society that places value on arbitrary things, useless material items, and the lack the understanding and ability to control the contributors to our success, depression is on the rise. While it's being tracked as carefully as suicides because it's seen as less damaging, we can draw some conclusions about it from the suicide rates- all of which stem from depression. Anyone who wants to argue, I can tell you, I've never heard of a person deliberately killing themselves because they were bored, angry, or happy. So Shush.
From what I gather, suicides and depression cases go hand in hand. Suicides typically peak during times of wide spread turmoil. They tend to be higher in locations with fewer opportunities, fewer entertainment options and distractions, and in communities that have a history of being oppressed.
When you have enough opportunities, distractions and stimuli for people, the rate of suicides and, by association, depression drops. In the economic DEPRESSION (I don't care what sugar-coated garbage the economists try to feed us, it was not a 'recession'. It was a DEPRESSION. The unemployment rate was higher than it was during the Great Depression.) suicide rates shot up significantly in rural, remote, and military locations. That's one of the dangers of depression. Our media has tricked many minds into viewing themselves as the problem, making death seem like a favorable outcome.
Suicide isn't the only danger that comes with depression, however. I mean, it's only the 3rd most likely killer of the underemployed, underpaid Generation Y, so it's not that big a deal, right? Ha! But seriously, larger problem associated with depression would be the health effects from prolonged bouts.
Fight or flight, not grow and repair. Your body shuts down things like healing and immune responses. It turns up the dial on things like blood pressure and other things that would help you run or fight in a tight spot. It's like being Wolverine without the healing factor. Except if Mr. Shiny Claws didn't have the healing factor, all those impressive leaps, punches and acrobatic feats would render his fleshy body to a nice delicious meat soup. That's what happens to the body of a depressed person.
The jacked up function of their circulatory system, brain, and vital organs causes them to get SHREDDED. They don't heal as well, so the wear and tear makes happy little accidents like cancer, heart disease, and sudden, acute onsets of dormant conditions and genetic disorders pop up more frequently. So, yeah, depression slowly turns the afflicted into a pain-riddled shell. Oh. Yeah. So, the number 1 and number two most likely killers of Gen Y totally include heart disease and cancer. FYI.
Most people don't realize that depression is a fight or flight response in overdrive or that a genetic predisposition towards it is beyond the sufferer's control, making 'Snapping out of it' impossible. They don't recognize that the person experiencing it is fighting a mental battle against life and a physical battle as their body erodes around them. People don't understand that it's not something you can just turn off and suddenly be happy again. They also don't get that it affects everyone differently. Worst of all, they don't know how repeated statements of 'Just be happy!' and 'Get over it already!' can point the finger at the depressed person and make it seem like THEY are the problem...and cause an unwanted reaction.
But not all is lost. As a person who's briefly fallen into a depression trap and crawled out of it, I will offer some tips that worked for me in my next post.
As a person who's witnessed, studied, and experienced depression I understand that it is difficult to deal with, remedy and it can be horrible to watch- if you're not the sufferer. However, many people seem to view depression as some sort of bizarre condition that the person experiencing it chose, which is COMPLETELY off the mark. Simply put, that's like expecting a person has complete and perfect control over their surroundings and themselves. Any of you with half a brain know that even the most optimistic and upbeat of individuals can't do that. I mean, I'm sure that if depressed people could choose not to live their life in expert mode, they would have switched the settings long ago.
I've never quite understood why that image is assigned to depressed individuals. Depression is tied prehistoric fight or flight response. Impending danger signals our bodies to turn off many of its functions like: learning, sensory perceptions, and positive emotions that would encourage us to stay where we are... It, you know, shuts off everything that could get you killed while you're going "LADEEDA, LOOK AT THE TULIPS!!!" instead of avoiding the beak and claws of that huge terrorbird hot on your heels.
 |
| Yeah... those things used to eat us. That's just its skull. |
We don't have huge murderous birds trying to gobble us up. We don't frequently find ourselves facing physical manifestations of danger that we can surmount with analytical skills and on the fly problem solving. We've whittled a lot of those things out of our equation. All we have now are arbitrary constructs that we can't escape from. What happens when you have a built-in predisposition to flee or conquer difficulties but the difficulties you're facing can't be actually conquered? That fight or flight response lingers...and wrecks your body.
That's the root of depression today. We have dangers and fears that we can do nothing about and we're stuck with the intelligence, analytical skills, and all the physical effects of prolonged fight or flight response. That's dangerous. In a society that places value on arbitrary things, useless material items, and the lack the understanding and ability to control the contributors to our success, depression is on the rise. While it's being tracked as carefully as suicides because it's seen as less damaging, we can draw some conclusions about it from the suicide rates- all of which stem from depression. Anyone who wants to argue, I can tell you, I've never heard of a person deliberately killing themselves because they were bored, angry, or happy. So Shush.
From what I gather, suicides and depression cases go hand in hand. Suicides typically peak during times of wide spread turmoil. They tend to be higher in locations with fewer opportunities, fewer entertainment options and distractions, and in communities that have a history of being oppressed.
When you have enough opportunities, distractions and stimuli for people, the rate of suicides and, by association, depression drops. In the economic DEPRESSION (I don't care what sugar-coated garbage the economists try to feed us, it was not a 'recession'. It was a DEPRESSION. The unemployment rate was higher than it was during the Great Depression.) suicide rates shot up significantly in rural, remote, and military locations. That's one of the dangers of depression. Our media has tricked many minds into viewing themselves as the problem, making death seem like a favorable outcome.
Suicide isn't the only danger that comes with depression, however. I mean, it's only the 3rd most likely killer of the underemployed, underpaid Generation Y, so it's not that big a deal, right? Ha! But seriously, larger problem associated with depression would be the health effects from prolonged bouts.
Fight or flight, not grow and repair. Your body shuts down things like healing and immune responses. It turns up the dial on things like blood pressure and other things that would help you run or fight in a tight spot. It's like being Wolverine without the healing factor. Except if Mr. Shiny Claws didn't have the healing factor, all those impressive leaps, punches and acrobatic feats would render his fleshy body to a nice delicious meat soup. That's what happens to the body of a depressed person.
The jacked up function of their circulatory system, brain, and vital organs causes them to get SHREDDED. They don't heal as well, so the wear and tear makes happy little accidents like cancer, heart disease, and sudden, acute onsets of dormant conditions and genetic disorders pop up more frequently. So, yeah, depression slowly turns the afflicted into a pain-riddled shell. Oh. Yeah. So, the number 1 and number two most likely killers of Gen Y totally include heart disease and cancer. FYI.
Most people don't realize that depression is a fight or flight response in overdrive or that a genetic predisposition towards it is beyond the sufferer's control, making 'Snapping out of it' impossible. They don't recognize that the person experiencing it is fighting a mental battle against life and a physical battle as their body erodes around them. People don't understand that it's not something you can just turn off and suddenly be happy again. They also don't get that it affects everyone differently. Worst of all, they don't know how repeated statements of 'Just be happy!' and 'Get over it already!' can point the finger at the depressed person and make it seem like THEY are the problem...and cause an unwanted reaction.
But not all is lost. As a person who's briefly fallen into a depression trap and crawled out of it, I will offer some tips that worked for me in my next post.
Saturday, June 14, 2014
Rakes on a Train: CTA inappropriateness
Have you ever ridden in a train and something unexpected happened? Maybe it was pleasant and some guy just burst into song. Perhaps it was less pleasant and some teenagers made a fuss on the train or bus. Maybe it was unpleasant and there was a random naked homeless guy dancing in the middle of train.
On CTA, you see it all. There are the regular jerks who are just rude and inconsiderate, using their bags to hold the seat next to them because their ridiculous egos fill more space than the rest of ours. There are people who are trying to make spectacles of themselves for popularity, fame, whatever. There are panhandlers and solicitors who get upset with you for not wanting to buy their things or give them your money. There are the plain crazies who say and do unnerving things and make people's commutes uncomfortable enough for someone to call the police.
All of these behaviors fall in the scope of inappropriate for the train. Take a look at these goofballs who decided to advertise their marriage on the train. What a sad state of affairs that is. Of all the places to walk around with a just married sign taped to your backside, WHY THE TRAIN? Did they expect everyone to pat them on the back and congratulate them?
There's this IDIOT with an EFFING ALLIGATOR on the train. She should be shot for her blatant disregard for National wildlife. That poor baby is far from a sustainable habitat and she's just parading it around like a trophy, grinning. Ugh!
Then a drunk girl who decided that CTA was the best place to practice her stripper moves and get her twerk on! Really, no. I don't want you swinging your legs around me. Even that old guy doesn't want to see that mess. See how he's leaning as far away from her as possible? He's straight up not having any of her crap.
There's also creepy, smarmy and weird catcallers and wannabe players who don't seem to understand that when a woman says no, she means 'No. And get the hell away from me.'. Seriously guys... you shouldn't be hitting on chicks on the train. They are on a mission to do whatever it is they're commuting to. Disturbing them in an already uncertain environment that's loud, full of nasty smells and unpleasant strangers is a good way to get maced.
Homeless fellas just sleeping with it all hanging out and possibly masturbating... I've seen sights like this too much. It's sad. Some of them are genuinely derelicts, slightly insane and oblivious of their surroundings and of social propriety. Others are just shameless, rude sods who want to visit their suffering and hate on other people.
And this creep who thought it was a good idea to run around using a fake boombox as clothing.
People do crazy stuff on the train for attention...and they get it. But all attention is not good attention...and you guys really, really need to realize that. That goes doubly much for you guys here on the internet. Anonymity is not an excuse for being a wicked little turdlet and will be traced back to you. Maybe not now, but someday. Save the shenanigans for your house party. Don't muddle my commute, internet news surfing, or anything else with them. Thanks.
On CTA, you see it all. There are the regular jerks who are just rude and inconsiderate, using their bags to hold the seat next to them because their ridiculous egos fill more space than the rest of ours. There are people who are trying to make spectacles of themselves for popularity, fame, whatever. There are panhandlers and solicitors who get upset with you for not wanting to buy their things or give them your money. There are the plain crazies who say and do unnerving things and make people's commutes uncomfortable enough for someone to call the police.
All of these behaviors fall in the scope of inappropriate for the train. Take a look at these goofballs who decided to advertise their marriage on the train. What a sad state of affairs that is. Of all the places to walk around with a just married sign taped to your backside, WHY THE TRAIN? Did they expect everyone to pat them on the back and congratulate them?
| JUST MARRIED!! ...Just stop. These guys aren't even the first to do this. |
There's this IDIOT with an EFFING ALLIGATOR on the train. She should be shot for her blatant disregard for National wildlife. That poor baby is far from a sustainable habitat and she's just parading it around like a trophy, grinning. Ugh!
 |
| I'm so cool and interesting! Look at my baby Alligator! |
Then a drunk girl who decided that CTA was the best place to practice her stripper moves and get her twerk on! Really, no. I don't want you swinging your legs around me. Even that old guy doesn't want to see that mess. See how he's leaning as far away from her as possible? He's straight up not having any of her crap.
 |
| Really, dude. She's going to kill you.. |
Homeless fellas just sleeping with it all hanging out and possibly masturbating... I've seen sights like this too much. It's sad. Some of them are genuinely derelicts, slightly insane and oblivious of their surroundings and of social propriety. Others are just shameless, rude sods who want to visit their suffering and hate on other people.
 |
| Not this guy, though. He's always asleep on the strain, though not usually with his pants down... |
And this creep who thought it was a good idea to run around using a fake boombox as clothing.
 . |
| I've actually seen this guy on the train- sans boombox and pants. |
People do crazy stuff on the train for attention...and they get it. But all attention is not good attention...and you guys really, really need to realize that. That goes doubly much for you guys here on the internet. Anonymity is not an excuse for being a wicked little turdlet and will be traced back to you. Maybe not now, but someday. Save the shenanigans for your house party. Don't muddle my commute, internet news surfing, or anything else with them. Thanks.
Saturday, May 31, 2014
CTA Blue Line Bus Substitution
I ride the train to work. It's a smart business. Costs me $5 per day, round trip, let's me unwind or gear up, depending on if I'm going or coming from my job, and so long as I'm commuting at certain times of the day, I don't deal with too much craziness. I can plan accurate time projections of my commute and don't have to deal with traffic hazards and a general collection of human stupidity.
However, this has all changed since the CTA started repairing the Blue Line. Nearly every weekend they have certain stations completely shut down and buses to take you between them. In theory it seems like a fabulous idea, but in practice, it is a massive supercell of shit storm. It already takes me roughly 2 hours to get to work, but with CTA's fabulous planning, lazy employees, and the veritable hell that is Chicago's Northside traffic, my commute gives me night terrors. Why?
It would seem that you would just hop off the train and hop on a bus and it drops you at the next operating trains station, only 10 or 20 minutes behind schedule. But no. All those pros for commuting with public transit go flying out the window when you add a dash of Northside traffic insanity. There is no feasible detour to circumvent the delays caused by walnut-brained morons who somehow got driver's licenses. Furthermore, the actual CTA employees who are placed there for the sole purpose of directing commuters to the location of the shuttle do so in the most blase, unconcerned manner possible- which is to say, NOT AT ALL.
So, not only do you have to deal with stupid, ridiculous Northside traffic, but you also have to deal with sidewalk traffic jams because there's no clear signage and the employees who should be helping things run smoothly have their thumbs jammed up their butts. Oh, and there's tons of folks in cars jamming up the traffic even worse because they're so stupid that every time they see more than 5 people standing on a corner, they have to stop driving and stare at you.
The shit frosting on the crap cake is CTA's greed during peak hours. They require passengers, who have already had a frustrating journey from one train station to the next, to go fishing through their bags to find a damn transit card so they can swipe it AGAIN to get back on a train that under normal circumstances they would have never left. Nice Job.
I wouldn't be so upset if CTA was never able to do this successfully before. But they were, last summer, between the SAME EXACT TRAIN STATIONS. Last year, there were tons of CTA employees directing you where you need to go, there was appropriately and smartly placed signage to direct passengers, we were not charged a second time to reboard the Blue Line, AND we had to navigate through the busiest and narrowest of Wicker Park's streets. This was done so efficiently that there was only a 10 minute delay.
This year, CTA seems to have forgotten everything that went right last year as they restarted repairs.
I end up spending 45 minutes to an hour in traffic traveling between train stations. A good 50% of the delay is from commuter confusion, another 25% of it is due to the completely STUPID policy of having people swipe their transit card AGAIN to REBOARD the train, and the final 25% is the only bit that's actually associated with the detour- including passengers boarding the shuttle, getting themselves seated and helping the inevitable handicapped person or luggage toting family get themselves situated. RIDICULOUS.
However, this has all changed since the CTA started repairing the Blue Line. Nearly every weekend they have certain stations completely shut down and buses to take you between them. In theory it seems like a fabulous idea, but in practice, it is a massive supercell of shit storm. It already takes me roughly 2 hours to get to work, but with CTA's fabulous planning, lazy employees, and the veritable hell that is Chicago's Northside traffic, my commute gives me night terrors. Why?
It would seem that you would just hop off the train and hop on a bus and it drops you at the next operating trains station, only 10 or 20 minutes behind schedule. But no. All those pros for commuting with public transit go flying out the window when you add a dash of Northside traffic insanity. There is no feasible detour to circumvent the delays caused by walnut-brained morons who somehow got driver's licenses. Furthermore, the actual CTA employees who are placed there for the sole purpose of directing commuters to the location of the shuttle do so in the most blase, unconcerned manner possible- which is to say, NOT AT ALL.
So, not only do you have to deal with stupid, ridiculous Northside traffic, but you also have to deal with sidewalk traffic jams because there's no clear signage and the employees who should be helping things run smoothly have their thumbs jammed up their butts. Oh, and there's tons of folks in cars jamming up the traffic even worse because they're so stupid that every time they see more than 5 people standing on a corner, they have to stop driving and stare at you.
The shit frosting on the crap cake is CTA's greed during peak hours. They require passengers, who have already had a frustrating journey from one train station to the next, to go fishing through their bags to find a damn transit card so they can swipe it AGAIN to get back on a train that under normal circumstances they would have never left. Nice Job.
I wouldn't be so upset if CTA was never able to do this successfully before. But they were, last summer, between the SAME EXACT TRAIN STATIONS. Last year, there were tons of CTA employees directing you where you need to go, there was appropriately and smartly placed signage to direct passengers, we were not charged a second time to reboard the Blue Line, AND we had to navigate through the busiest and narrowest of Wicker Park's streets. This was done so efficiently that there was only a 10 minute delay.
This year, CTA seems to have forgotten everything that went right last year as they restarted repairs.
I end up spending 45 minutes to an hour in traffic traveling between train stations. A good 50% of the delay is from commuter confusion, another 25% of it is due to the completely STUPID policy of having people swipe their transit card AGAIN to REBOARD the train, and the final 25% is the only bit that's actually associated with the detour- including passengers boarding the shuttle, getting themselves seated and helping the inevitable handicapped person or luggage toting family get themselves situated. RIDICULOUS.
Saturday, May 24, 2014
Lyrical Analysis: Too Close by Alex Clare
Some people have been asking for rants, my feelings on certain topics, and reviews of more than just the odd movie or makeup product. Since, I'm fairly open to suggestions that won't cause me bodily, emotional, financial, or psychological harm, I decided to give it shot. Get ready for some Snark on the Snarktopus.
First off, I'm going to jump straight into this mess, because, it's always fun to analyze, theorize, and rip something to shreds. It's one of the things I'm really, really good at. So, here's my review and honest feelings about Alex Clare's song "Too Close".
Now, according to Pandora, this song has classic rock structures, electronic influences, and some other stuff that I don't feel like typing out. It's all true, though. It's actually pretty nice to listen to, if you don't pay close attention to the lyrics. Some lovelorn fellow is singing about a relationship gone sour. He doesn't want to end things, but he just has to be true to himself! How tragic! How noble!
BULL. SHIT. This guy is full of it.
"But wait, Snarktopus! That song's just about a guy who loves his girlfriend, but he just feels so pressured about their relationship that he just HAS to break up with her!"
You, voice of the misinformed and desperate female, are as dumb as mud. This isn't about that at all. Let's break down the lyrics.
In the first verse, this guy claims that he doesn't break promises, that he doesn't want to hurt this person, and that he needs to 'breathe'. He also throws a carefully worded 'Let's just be friends' out there and has the audacity to claim that his partner knows that they're headed separate ways. HA! Shenanigans. What sort of commitment causes a person who needs to be 'true to himself,' as he claims in the chorus, to break things off? ENGAGEMENTS. The statement about being friends is the icing on the cake. Anyone besides me recognize these very excuses as common to the sort of frightened, self-centered, and guilt-riddled manchild who's been cheating on his fiancee?
Okay. Okay. Maybe I'm wrong. Let's just look at the chorus in detail.
"And it feels like I am just too close to love you
There is nothing I can really say
I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more
Got to be true to myself
And it feels like I am just too close to love you
So I'll be on my way"
Alright. It feels like he's too close to love this person? ...What kind of statement is that?! How are you 'too close' to love someone?? Did they have a bout of violently explosive diarrhea that blew him into a concrete wall and now he has PTSD? Did this person reveal that they're a serial killer? Are they dying of a horrible, disgusting illness that he can't handle watching them go through? Because honestly, none of those are good reasons to just break up with someone. Okay, I'll admit, having your bones shattered by violent diarrhea could cause enough emotional trauma to be a plausible reason for a breakup, but not the others. Breaking up with someone for being a serial killer is...kinda dumb, because you're the next victim, for sure. And breaking up with someone who's terminally ill is just a dick move and the person guilty of it should have their nethers coated with honey and suspended near a fire ant nest.
Now, for the second verse.
"You've given me more than I can return
Yet there's also much that you deserve
Nothing to say, nothing to do,
I've nothing to give
I must leave without you
You know that we're heading separate ways"
...Okay, this guy's a colossal... there are so many words I could call him. Essentially, he's claiming that his former partner has been nothing be GREAT. This person's been the best significant other possible and he is running out on him or her like a back-stabbing little ingrate, and probably to bone someone else. A good friend of mine would call him a 'Rat Bastard!' and she'd be totally right.
It's obvious that the guy in this song is just a selfish, spineless jerk, who's either cheated on, is cheating on, and/or is so afraid of losing childish things that he holds more dear than the person who's given him their everything that he's going to just up and leave, without a good explanation. Nothing to do here. Too close to love you. Bye. Really? Take a long walk off a short pier, buddy. I sincerely hope that the person he's walked out on didn't cry, because that's a waste of energy and resources.
Now, if anyone tries to come after me with a load of butthurt over this song analysis, I will happily recommend that they just listen to it on repeat, add a heaping cup of sarcasm and picture me not giving a flying tree squirrel about their opinion.
First off, I'm going to jump straight into this mess, because, it's always fun to analyze, theorize, and rip something to shreds. It's one of the things I'm really, really good at. So, here's my review and honest feelings about Alex Clare's song "Too Close".
Now, according to Pandora, this song has classic rock structures, electronic influences, and some other stuff that I don't feel like typing out. It's all true, though. It's actually pretty nice to listen to, if you don't pay close attention to the lyrics. Some lovelorn fellow is singing about a relationship gone sour. He doesn't want to end things, but he just has to be true to himself! How tragic! How noble!
BULL. SHIT. This guy is full of it.
"But wait, Snarktopus! That song's just about a guy who loves his girlfriend, but he just feels so pressured about their relationship that he just HAS to break up with her!"
You, voice of the misinformed and desperate female, are as dumb as mud. This isn't about that at all. Let's break down the lyrics.
"You know I'm not one to break promises
I don't want to hurt you but I need to breathe
At the end of it all, you're still my best friend
But there's something inside that I need to release
Which way is right, which way is wrong
How do I say that I need to move on
You know we're heading separate ways"
I don't want to hurt you but I need to breathe
At the end of it all, you're still my best friend
But there's something inside that I need to release
Which way is right, which way is wrong
How do I say that I need to move on
You know we're heading separate ways"
In the first verse, this guy claims that he doesn't break promises, that he doesn't want to hurt this person, and that he needs to 'breathe'. He also throws a carefully worded 'Let's just be friends' out there and has the audacity to claim that his partner knows that they're headed separate ways. HA! Shenanigans. What sort of commitment causes a person who needs to be 'true to himself,' as he claims in the chorus, to break things off? ENGAGEMENTS. The statement about being friends is the icing on the cake. Anyone besides me recognize these very excuses as common to the sort of frightened, self-centered, and guilt-riddled manchild who's been cheating on his fiancee?
Okay. Okay. Maybe I'm wrong. Let's just look at the chorus in detail.
"And it feels like I am just too close to love you
There is nothing I can really say
I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more
Got to be true to myself
And it feels like I am just too close to love you
So I'll be on my way"
Alright. It feels like he's too close to love this person? ...What kind of statement is that?! How are you 'too close' to love someone?? Did they have a bout of violently explosive diarrhea that blew him into a concrete wall and now he has PTSD? Did this person reveal that they're a serial killer? Are they dying of a horrible, disgusting illness that he can't handle watching them go through? Because honestly, none of those are good reasons to just break up with someone. Okay, I'll admit, having your bones shattered by violent diarrhea could cause enough emotional trauma to be a plausible reason for a breakup, but not the others. Breaking up with someone for being a serial killer is...kinda dumb, because you're the next victim, for sure. And breaking up with someone who's terminally ill is just a dick move and the person guilty of it should have their nethers coated with honey and suspended near a fire ant nest.
Now, for the second verse.
"You've given me more than I can return
Yet there's also much that you deserve
Nothing to say, nothing to do,
I've nothing to give
I must leave without you
You know that we're heading separate ways"
...Okay, this guy's a colossal... there are so many words I could call him. Essentially, he's claiming that his former partner has been nothing be GREAT. This person's been the best significant other possible and he is running out on him or her like a back-stabbing little ingrate, and probably to bone someone else. A good friend of mine would call him a 'Rat Bastard!' and she'd be totally right.
It's obvious that the guy in this song is just a selfish, spineless jerk, who's either cheated on, is cheating on, and/or is so afraid of losing childish things that he holds more dear than the person who's given him their everything that he's going to just up and leave, without a good explanation. Nothing to do here. Too close to love you. Bye. Really? Take a long walk off a short pier, buddy. I sincerely hope that the person he's walked out on didn't cry, because that's a waste of energy and resources.
Now, if anyone tries to come after me with a load of butthurt over this song analysis, I will happily recommend that they just listen to it on repeat, add a heaping cup of sarcasm and picture me not giving a flying tree squirrel about their opinion.
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