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Saturday, May 24, 2014

Lyrical Analysis: Too Close by Alex Clare

Some people have been asking for rants, my feelings on certain topics, and reviews of more than just the odd movie or makeup product.  Since, I'm fairly open to suggestions that won't cause me bodily, emotional, financial, or psychological harm, I decided to give it shot.  Get ready for some Snark on the Snarktopus. 

First off, I'm going to jump straight into this mess, because, it's always fun to analyze, theorize, and rip something to shreds.  It's one of the things I'm really, really good at.  So, here's my review and honest feelings about Alex Clare's song "Too Close". 


Now, according to Pandora, this song has classic rock structures, electronic influences, and some other stuff that I don't feel like typing out.  It's all true, though.  It's actually pretty nice to listen to, if you don't pay close attention to the lyrics.  Some lovelorn fellow is singing about a relationship gone sour.  He doesn't want to end things, but he just has to be true to himself!  How tragic!  How noble! 

BULL.  SHIT.  This guy is full of it.

"But wait, Snarktopus!  That song's just about a guy who loves his girlfriend, but he just feels so pressured about their relationship that he just HAS to break up with her!"

You, voice of the misinformed and desperate female, are as dumb as mud.  This isn't about that at all.  Let's break down the lyrics.

"You know I'm not one to break promises
I don't want to hurt you but I need to breathe
At the end of it all, you're still my best friend
But there's something inside that I need to release
Which way is right, which way is wrong
How do I say that I need to move on
You know we're heading separate ways"

In the first verse, this guy claims that he doesn't break promises, that he doesn't want to hurt this person, and that he needs to 'breathe'.  He also throws a carefully worded 'Let's just be friends' out there and has the audacity to claim that his partner knows that they're headed separate ways.   HA!  Shenanigans.  What sort of commitment causes a person who needs to be 'true to himself,' as he claims in the chorus, to break things off?  ENGAGEMENTS.   The statement about being friends is the icing on the cake.  Anyone besides me recognize these very excuses as common to the sort of frightened, self-centered, and guilt-riddled manchild who's been cheating on his fiancee? 

Okay.  Okay.  Maybe I'm wrong.  Let's just look at the chorus in detail.

"And it feels like I am just too close to love you
There is nothing I can really say
I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more
Got to be true to myself
And it feels like I am just too close to love you
So I'll be on my way"


Alright.  It feels like he's too close to love this person? ...What kind of statement is that?!  How are you 'too close' to love someone??  Did they have a bout of violently explosive diarrhea that blew him into a concrete wall and now he has PTSD?  Did this person reveal that they're a serial killer?  Are they dying of a horrible, disgusting illness that he can't handle watching them go through?  Because honestly, none of those are good reasons to just break up with someone.  Okay, I'll admit, having your bones shattered by violent diarrhea could cause enough emotional trauma to be a plausible reason for a breakup, but not the others.  Breaking up with someone for being a serial killer is...kinda dumb, because you're the next victim, for sure.  And breaking up with someone who's terminally ill is just a dick move and the person guilty of it should have their nethers coated with honey and suspended near a fire ant nest.

Now, for the second verse.

"You've given me more than I can return
Yet there's also much that you deserve
Nothing to say, nothing to do,
I've nothing to give
I must leave without you
You know that we're heading separate ways"


...Okay, this guy's a colossal... there are so many words I could call him.  Essentially, he's claiming that his former partner has been nothing be GREAT.  This person's been the best significant other possible and he is running out on him or her like a back-stabbing little ingrate, and probably to bone someone else.  A good friend of mine would call him a 'Rat Bastard!' and she'd be totally right.

It's obvious that the guy in this song is just a selfish, spineless jerk, who's either cheated on, is cheating on, and/or is so afraid of losing childish things that he holds more dear than the person who's given him their everything that he's going to just up and leave, without a good explanation.  Nothing to do here.  Too close to love you.  Bye.  Really?  Take a long walk off a short pier, buddy.   I sincerely hope that the person he's walked out on didn't cry, because that's a waste of energy and resources.

Now, if anyone tries to come after me with a load of butthurt over this song analysis, I will happily recommend that they just listen to it on repeat, add a heaping cup of sarcasm and picture me not giving a flying tree squirrel about their opinion.

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