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Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Um Hiatus break... Right.

I suppose I lied when I said I'd stopped being on hiatus.  Bad Ren!  Bad! 
There's a good reason!  I swear!

First, I was looking for job.  Then, I had a job, a contractual job through the Department of Human Services.  Then I had THREE jobs: Macy's, private tutoring, and working as a contractual worker for DHS.   Then I exchanged TWO of those jobs for ONE job that was immensely more complicated than initially described.  And THEN, my contract with DHS expired and I was down to one job, that was becoming depressingly more complicated and frightening.

I was considering resigning as the work load of the One job shifted to financial filing and reports to grant officers in addition to administrative assistant duties.  I am not a finance major.  I can work with simple to intermediate spreadsheets, but if you give me the year end report and say "Make it happen." without instructions, I fair about as well as a paralyzed fish stranded on land.  Which is to say: Not good.  Not good at all.

I got away from my crafting as I began slipping into a nasty funk while trying to study up on what they wanted me to do.  To be honest, I really wanted it to work.  I consulted everything from real people via yahoo answers, finance and accounting blogs, self-help websites like Livestrong, and the company's parent organization's regulations for these new assignments.  Sadly, reading up on this stuff at home didn't help me much. 
The work I was given was like a hieroglyphic puzzle that I needed to solve so I could get out of a sand pit full of angry snakes.  Oh and, I'd apparently left my handy-dandy hieroglyph translator on CTA and had no hope of getting it back, ever.  WHOOPS! 

Now, I have no job and I'm dealing with the feeling that I'll never be good enough at any thing to actually make a living and be a real live grown up.  Oh and I worry about how I'll pay my student loan debt and other things...and this stupid computer. 

I spent a week being physically ill over all of this.  I'm fairly certain that I lost 15 pounds while my breakfast, lunch and dinner were making forcible resurgences.  I'm also sure that my self-esteem (Darn it, it was already pretty low!) will never been the same again.  But as much as I can villainize and victimize myself, I can also see there's no point in dwelling on it now.

Here's to biting off more than you can chew and getting your butt handed to you!  Stick to what you're good at, what you love, and what you aren't terrified of. 

Me?  I love people.  I love crafting.  I love making people feel like they can be winners and helping them achieve their goals.  I'm going to get my certification to be a special ed aide and tutor...and then I'm going to get my Masters in Education.

Just might take me a while.  I gotta figure out where I can get 30,000 dollars...without incurring more student loan debt.  *sigh* 

2 comments:

  1. Excuses, excuses, excuses!!!! Okay, now that you have all the ranting behind you, time to grab your boot straps. You know what you want so now you go after it. A friend of mine put herself completely through school on grants and scholarships. If you're interested, I can put you in touch with her. I think she would be a good mentor. let me know. You're far too special and have too much to offer to have such negative thoughts.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. That'd be amazing!
      If you put me in touch with your friend, I'll make sure to put the information to good use. I've already researched scholarships and found that I can get one for all the volunteering I've been doing. XD I guess the nuns at school were right, sometimes giving to your fellow man creates a tangible gift to yourself.

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